Gay Little Christmas Puppets
Ranking Rankin/Bass Christmas Specials Based on Their Queerness
My toxic trait is that I love Christmas specials. Not the aggressively heterosexual Hallmark movies where Candace Cameron Bure LARPs her conservative Christian, white Christmas fantasy. I’m talking about the canonically queer specials…the ones autistic gays, like myself, can’t get enough of.
Every Christmas Eve, I share a bottle of pinot grigio with my mom and watch the Rankin/Bass classics. From the “Animagic” stop-motion animation (pioneered by Tadahito Mochinaga) to the catchy jingles (often co-written by Jules Bass himself), Rankin/Bass holiday specials are the gayest shows I’ve ever seen in my life…and I attend Rocky Horror every Halloween. With an array of “quirky” characters–elf twinks, gay elder wizards, cottagecore witches–Rankin/Bass Christmas specials are quintessential holigay camp.
To honor the recent passing of Bass (who died this past October), here are my top five canonically queer Rankin/Bass Christmas specials.
5. Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July (1979)
This special is queer surrealism at its finest. Rudolph and Frosty join the circus while avoiding the evil antics of Winterbolt, a snow wizard (ice king?). Just read the Wiki page, because it is too weird to summarize in one paragraph. This special features Big Ben, a clockwork whale (ace transmasc, of course), Lady Boreal, the Queen of the Northern Lights (wintery fem lesbian royalty), and Ethel Merman—if you don’t know who Ethel Merman is, you need to catch up on your gay icon history. There’s simply too much gayness to unpack here, so I must move on.
4. Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town (1970)
Young redhead Santa could deck my halls. There, I said it. We need more pansexual ginger representation in media and here we have it. In this queer origin story, a young Kris Kringle brings toys to Sombertown with the help of his penguin sidekick named (...wait for it) Topper. Needless to say, I’m disappointed there isn’t a Bottomer penguin (fingers crossed for the sequel). Kringle teaches an elderly gay wizard to be less bitchy and together–with the help of strawberry blonde bombshell, bisexual love interest, Miss Jessica (AKA Mrs. Claus)–they make Christmas gay again. The story is also retold by a gleeful middle-aged fop, voiced by Fred Astaire. It truly is one of those “gay happy meetings” that Andy Williams sang about.
3. The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974)
Nonbinary icons Heat Miser and Snow Miser make this special the classic that it is today. Two siblings lip synch for their life to claim the crown as Season Queen. Are you team winter or summer? Drag Mother Nature gives us cottagecore realness as she keeps her children in line. Who needs Santa Claus when you have this holy trinity of genderfuckery?
2. Jack Frost (1979)
If The Little Mermaid serves as a metaphor for trans women and their gender journey, the same could be said for Jack Frost and trans men. After falling for the mortal woman Elisa (who, unfortunately, reads as straight), the winter sprite makes a deal with Father Winter to become a human. To remain a man, Frost must acquire a house, a horse, a bag of gold, and a wife by the first sign of spring. Sounds like a metaphor for trans healthcare if you ask me…
1. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
I’m ranking this as number one because my mom would absolutely kill me if I didn’t (it’s her favorite Christmas show of all time). Rudolph himself is a 1.5 on the Kinsey scale, so I’m much more interested in the other girls, gays, and theys at the North Pole.
Hermey is the archetypal twink. His desire to move out of Santa’s workshop to pursue dentistry is reminiscent of Kurt Hummel’s big gay journey to NYC.
Bear Yukon Cornelius is daddy af…sorry, not sorry.
The Island of Misfit Toys is like DashCon 2014…a shitshow featuring an ensemble of queer loners.
A cowboy riding an ostrich? A gun that shoots jelly? And who can forget, my personal favorite, the fantabulous Spotted Elephant?
It’s a queer dystopia and I live for it.
Joy to the World! It’s Almost Over!
Merry joy all! Happy Hanukkah! The next newsletter will come out on Kwanzaa, but also Happy Kwanzaa to all who celebrate! My next newsletter will be a little bit more on the heavy side, since seasonal depression is upon us! But I’ll try to make it fun, I promise <3
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